It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
