My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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