How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
