Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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