My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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