I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Randomize
