do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
