If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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