everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
