Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
