He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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