Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
