There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
