used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
