My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
