just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
