1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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