My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.