i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
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I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!