One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
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I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.