I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
