i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Redeem this text for a blowjob
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
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Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.