im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
