Your tits are I can't wait for
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
