I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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