She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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