could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
