I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
