i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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