his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He felt like a one man threesome
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Randomize
