Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Someone shattered a urinal.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
