then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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