just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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