You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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