Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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