Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
