I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
As shirtless as possible
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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