direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
