swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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