this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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