i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
