I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You made out with two different species that night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
