On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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