an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
