Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
