mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
