I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
