I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
