Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she looked like the before picture.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
