no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
so much tequila, so little girl.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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