moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
