We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
