I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
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did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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