You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My breasts were aching with rage.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
