There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
