I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
