dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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