Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
