my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
