i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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