I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
