You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
