So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
