Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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