WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
