Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
