A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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