I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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