I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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