I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just want nice things and good sex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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