Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
