So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You smell like stripper and shame
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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