ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
