Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
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I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
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I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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